Hello, I'm Parker. I'm kind of a bastard.

shirleytemplar:

I may seem like an asshole

but deep down I’m a good person

and even deeper down I’m a bigger asshole

(via sssss-not-buh)


Artist: Aperture Science Psychoacoustics Laboratory
Track: Cara Mia Addio
Album: Portal 2: Songs to Test By - Volume 3
    It seems that no matter what I thought I knew at any given moment in my life, I never knew shit about shit. Not about the important things anyway. That’s still very much a work in progress.

I almost feel guilty smoking in front of this burning building.

Protip

When your mother is drunkenly informing you that both sides of your family have a history of chemical depression, bringing up the fact that Hemingway shot himself is NOT a good way to defuse the situation.

I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY IN SERIOUS SITUATIONS.

Your Dad has cancer? Oh that’s cool, he could probably go as Walter White for Halloween.

Oh, you just found out that your sister might have HIV? Did you know that in South Africa some people will rape a virgin because they think it will cure HIV?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN.

Moral of the story: Don’t talk to me about anything serious unless you’re prepared to be offended and/or creeped out by my database of stupid bullshit trivia facts and pop culture references.

Snowy drunk time is best time.
I’m so tired that using the earlybird filter on this picture made me crack up. #Deadowls #deadowlsshouldbeatrendingtag
quasilucid:

16/31 Days of Halloween: “Space is disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence.”
mal de coucou

dictionaryofobscuresorrows:

n. a phenomenon in which you have an active social life but very few close friends—people who you can trust, who you can be yourself with, who can help flush out the weird psychological toxins that tend to accumulate over time—which is a form of acute social malnutrition in which even if you devour an entire buffet of chitchat, you’ll still feel pangs of hunger.

In an effort to try to post more original content, I bring you this piece I like to call “Whatthefuckingshitnonononononoooooo”.
Yeah, this is what I have to deal with at work.
Also, I have glasses now because my old man body is slowly dissolving into a gelatinous puddle.